Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Do I Really Look That Tired?

The question is the same every day I work the early shift. "Are you gonna go home and take a nap?" It started as a simple question from one of my co-workers who, by the way, HAS to take a nap after this particular shift. Wimp!! Now, it's spread like a bad rash through most of the office. My response is always the same, "NO, I'm not gonna go home and take a NAP!" You'd have to hear my voice to fully understand but my pitch is probably somewhere between Olive Oyl and Lois (The Family Guy). Now I'll admit, since the time change, getting up at 3:15 AM makes a nap appealing. I even found out yesterday that if I sit down for just a minute, I quickly fall asleep. I nearly missed my afternoon cry with Oprah! But with 79 newborn eyelash vipers and all the other snakes to feed, I just can't rationalize taking the time to take a nap.

So now I have to wonder, do I really look that tired? Why, suddenly, am I being asked this question by most of the staff? If I didn't already have enough complexes about the way I look! Should I contemplate cosmetic surgery? Do my eyelids need work? Maybe a forehead lift? How about a complete facelift? The infamous nap question was even manipulated into a complex question this morning regarding the newspaper (another story in itself!). "Are you gonna pick up the paper after you take a nap?"

With the crew that's working tomorrow, I know I'll be asked "the question" again. Maybe I'll stop at HEB after work and pick up some Oil of Olay Eye Contour.

"Real Men Don't Take Naps!"

29 comments:

darlene said...

LMHO! (sub'd hiney for @ss) This is way too funny! "X" will be proud of you for this one, as there is office humor with some flare!

Hey, at least you don't get asked if you have a headache on a regular basis ...and... NO!!! You do NOT need cosmetic surgery or Oil of Olay! Silly man!

darlene said...

Oh..and more more thing:
Please be patient with those of us that are mere mortals and must have more than 4 or 5 hours of interrupted sleep. We do try.

XXXX said...

I only ever asked you that question out of concern. It's no secret that as men become more "mature", it is often necessary to forcefully engage in recuperative sleep.

The nap "trendsetter" in the office is usually more "sprightly" when he walks in the office, is quicker to smile, and gives off a certain "je ne sais quoi" that is very appealing.

Is it possible that this is due to his daily naps?

On another note, did you see the movie Idiocracy? It speculates that hundreds of years into the future, Costco will become so monstrous that people will go to it for everything from toilet paper to law degrees.

Yet, you have an opportunity now, to keep HEB from becoming such a monopoly. The choice is yours in dealing with such a moral dilemma.

Derek said...

Oprah?! Nap?! Man, my arboreal viper guru is getting soft! Naps are for sissies....err, Saturdays, I mean. I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who can't sleep for more than 4-5 hours straight. Except after....oops, never mind. I can't talk about that because y'all think it's gross!

LaVibora - Jim Campbell said...

Ms D...If not surgery or Oil of Olay, how about La Roche-Posay Redermic Eye Cream? As always, thanks for the support, BABY!

XXXX...Thanks for your "genuine" concern about my aging. As for the "trendsetter", he couldn't even spell nap if you spotted him the n and the p. Since I don't speak Lithuanian, I have no idea what you said he "gives off".

Derek...While I AM an arboreal viper guru, if you re-read, you'll notice I don't take naps! Oprah, yes, uncontrollable sobbing while watching Oprah, yes but naps, no! And, I never said your midnight romps with Lisa were gross. I basically just sat back...in the corner...watching...

XXXX said...

Geesh...someone's cranky. Someone needs nappy nappy poo poo time.

LaVibora - Jim Campbell said...

XXXX - If you had gotten up at 3:15 all week only to go in and face PhD boy and his constant blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH(!), without anything handy to set yourself on fire with, you'd come across as a little grumpy too!

Thank GOODNESS for long weekends!

Aggie92 said...

Is this "trendsetter" the same person who CAN spell DAPM?

LaVibora - Jim Campbell said...

Aggie 92 - Just as when you were here before my Young Padawan, the "trendsetter" couldn't spell DAPM if you spotted him the "D" and the "M".

You speak a little Lithuanian, what the Hell does "je ne sais quoi" mean, anyway?

Don said...

Just a few things about this subject.

First of all, you've worked for the same organization for a long time. You should have perfected the "sleeping while looking alert" exercise by now. That in itself eliminates the need for an afternoon nap, plus you're actually getting paid to nap. How cool is that!

And here's a little tip for those bags under your eyes. Preparation H! I understand it works on the eyes as well as the area for which it is intended. (I almost wrote "the area it's intended for" till I realized I would be ending a sentence with a preposition!) I'm sure there is a really good joke there somewhere. (Not the preposition, the Preparation.)

And finally..."je ne sais pas je ne sais quoi".

LaVibora - Jim Campbell said...

Don - The "sleeping while looking alert" thing is great until I start snooring. That gives me up EVERYTIME.

Since I don't have "any" of what Preparation H "is intended for" and I don't have it in the house, I'll definitely look for it next time I'm in HEB. Do you have HEB's in Houston? They're a wonderful one stop shopping marvel.

I guess you forgot I don't speak Lithuanian so I don't know what "je ne sais pas je ne sais quoi" means.

steve's girl said...

Each time I sit down and attempt to comment on this post, I realize it is naptime and I need to catch up on my zzzzz's!
BTW, any "mature" man that can admit to daily crying with Oprah should not be so quick to accuse others of "flitting about".
LOL, this post tickled my funny bone!
PS Did you catch yesterdays episode of Martha Stewart?

Aggie92 said...

I think it means boy afraid of riding horses...or it means he has a certain
admirable look or feel.

LaVibora - Jim Campbell said...

Steve's Girl - I admit, there's a fine line between crying with Oprah and "flitting about". However, I've never cried in public. I still live with the daily image of Young Kyle "flitting about" the parking lot at El Pollo Loco on a busy Sunday afternoon!

I'm off today so I should be able to catch Martha Stewart. I guess I should go watch it with PhD guy since he LOVES to watch her sache.

Thanks for taking time away from your nap to comment!

LaVibora - Jim Campbell said...

Aggie 92 - "admirable look or feel"

I THINK you need to get out of that house your staying in!!!!!

Beth&Leo said...

Jim,

You are getting better and better in your writing style. I really enjoyed and Leo enjoyed when read to him. He is busy living the "island life" right now.

I think that means looking at the gulf as he computes.

With luck we will get lots done this week and maybe even get close to the gulf.

beth

LaVibora - Jim Campbell said...

Thanks Beth and Leo!
This was a fun blog and one that needed to be done.

I'm glad you made it back from MN safely. Hopefully we can come out and have supper with you soon.

York said...

I don't even work with you, Jim; yet upon learning of your early-morning shift, my first thought was, "that old bastard is gonna need a nap when he's done!" HA!!! Actually, the thought of you getting a narcolepsy-induced schleg nip is just too much. Better to feed the babies after an Oprah nap.

If vanity gets to ya, BTW, at least you can take comfort knowing that you have brown eyes; and therefore, the Preparation H should work just fine!

LaVibora - Jim Campbell said...

York - You know my need to live on the edge. That's why I feed ADULT eyelash BEFORE Oprah, when my emotions are under control.

By the way, thanks for noticing the color of my eyes, BIG BOY!

KL said...

I distinctly remember the trip to El Pollo Loco you refer to, and I still have no idea when the alleged "flitting" took place. I even remember the walk from the car to the parking lot, and trust me, you're making the whole thing up. But I suppose you could have just dreamed up the whole story during your daily nap. Or maybe you missed your nap and were so tired you were seeing things that weren't there. I don't know....

LaVibora - Jim Campbell said...

Young Kyle, welcome back to the web! I know you have something of a photographic memory but, regarding the El Pollo Loco parking lot "flitting" incident, you've obviously experienced a momentary memory loss. It was even brought to my attention by BOTH Derek and York who mistook you for the endangered Mexican raven. It's flight manner is almost identical to your "flitting" motion. That's why they jumped from the table to take photos until I told them it was you and not the Corvus cryptoleucus .

XXXX said...

I think that part of the issue is that the term "flitting" is being perceived in a negative manner, when perhaps, no negative connotation was implied.

To "flit", is defined in the following way by Word Web Online...

Verb: 1. To Move along rapidly and lightly; skim or dart. Example: "The hummingbird flitted among the branches."

As a fat man, it has been a long time since I've been able to flit in any way, shape, or form. Nowadays, I primarily "lumber" along.

Oh, what I would give to be able to flit among the flowers, enjoying the crisp morning air while the sun cascades its radiance upon my face.

Sigh...

LaVibora - Jim Campbell said...

XXXX - Young Kyle's flitting can't come close to your lumbering! Your moves are like ballet, in it's purest form!

darlene said...

Oh, my! This just keeps getting better and better! I was there that day but must have missed the parking lot 'thing' completely.

"X", you are perfect and am sure you could flit or do anything else that you choose to do. =)

-darlene-

LaVibora - Jim Campbell said...

Yes, soon it will be said that "lumbering" is best known for its unique features and techniques, such as pointe work, turn-out of the legs; its graceful, flowing, precise movements; and its ethereal qualities.

Well done XXXX, well done!

darlene said...

Are we talking about naps or classical dance now? Perhaps I just need a nice, long nap! ;-)

(Let's keep this wave going!)

darlene

Anonymous said...

I always thought the "nap" was code for afternoon delight in Los Fresnos. I guess it means something else on the down trodden side of east Brownsville.

LaVibora - Jim Campbell said...

For the "said person" in Los Fresnos, sadly a nap has become his afternoon delight.

lakechuckdude said...

You asked "How about a complete facelift?" Now...that you mentioned it...

AP